How Trauma Affects Relationships (And What Healing Actually Looks Like)

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Do you find yourself walking on eggshells in relationships, even when there's no obvious threat? Or maybe you're successful in every area of life except intimacy—where you either push people away or lose yourself completely?

When people hear the word trauma, many think of big, catastrophic events. And while those experiences absolutely are trauma, there's a whole other layer that often goes unspoken: relational trauma—the kind that happens over time, in our families, partnerships, friendships, or even systems we were part of.

I work with many individuals who carry this kind of pain. Sometimes, they aren't even sure if what they experienced "counts" as trauma. They might say things like:

"It wasn't that bad." "Other people have had it worse." "I'm probably just being too sensitive."

Let me be the one to gently say: if it impacted you, it matters. Trauma isn't just about what happened—it's also about how it made you feel, how it lives in your body now, and how it continues to shape your daily life.

What Is Relational Trauma?

Relational trauma is often chronic and subtle. It includes things like:

• Growing up in a home where love felt conditional

• Being emotionally neglected or consistently criticized

• Witnessing or experiencing unhealthy relationship dynamics

• Feeling like you had to earn your worth or caretake others to be safe

• Being in a relationship where you felt unseen, unheard, or controlled

These patterns don't just go away. They can show up in your adult relationships, in how you talk to yourself, in your body's response to stress, and in how safe you feel in the world.

You're Not Broken—And You're Not Alone

Here's what I want you to know: relationship struggles are incredibly common.  There's nothing fundamentally wrong with you. The challenges you're facing often stem from protective patterns your nervous system learned early on—patterns that once kept you safe but may now be getting in the way of the connection you crave.

Maybe you recognize yourself here: the overachiever who never feels good enough, the people-pleaser who's lost touch with their own needs, or the person who wants connection but feels safer keeping others at arm's length. These responses aren't signs of weakness—they're signs of a nervous system that's been doing its best to protect you.

Both personally and professionally, I've learned how crucial relationship skills are and how much our past relationship experiences shape our present. The false belief that it's "all your fault" or that "something's wrong with you" keeps people stuck in cycles of shame and isolation. But healing is absolutely possible.

What Healing Can Look Like

Healing isn't just about feeling "better" emotionally—it's about your whole life improving. In my practice, I see clients develop:

• Better conflict management skills—learning to navigate disagreements without shutting down or exploding

• Deeper self-trust—reconnecting with your own instincts and needs instead of constantly second-guessing yourself

• Self-compassion—speaking to yourself with the same kindness you'd offer a good friend

When we address relational trauma, it affects everything: how you show up at work, how you parent, how you view yourself, and how you connect with others. There's a growing body of research showing the deep connection between our emotional health and our physical health too. Healing isn't just about relationships—it's about your overall well-being.

Why This Work Matters to Me

I'm passionate about this work because I've seen—both in my own life and with countless clients—how transformative it can be to understand and heal relationship patterns. Too many people suffer in silence, believing they're uniquely flawed or that their struggles don't matter. My goal is simple: I want you to feel successful in your relationships and see your life improve by addressing these deep-rooted challenges.

You deserve to feel secure in your connections, to trust yourself, and to experience the kind of relationships that nourish rather than drain you.

Ready to Begin? Let's Take the First Step Together

Therapy can help you understand your patterns, rebuild a sense of safety, and create relationships (with others and yourself) that feel more secure and fulfilling.

You don’t have to figure it all out alone. If you’re curious about therapy or just want more information, I invite you to reach out here or explore some curated resources on relational trauma and healing at Creating Change’s Mental Health Resources.

And if you’d like to stay connected and receive supportive content, tools, and updates, subscribe to my newsletter.

You deserve healing, connection, and peace. Let’s begin.