Understanding Relational Trauma: Your Journey to Healing

Do you find yourself walking on eggshells in relationships, even when there's no obvious threat? Or perhaps you're thriving in every area of life except intimacy—where you either push people away or lose yourself completely?

When people hear the word "trauma," many think of big, catastrophic events. While those experiences certainly qualify as trauma, another layer often goes unspoken: relational trauma. This type occurs over time within families, partnerships, friendships, or even the systems we are part of.

I work with many individuals who carry this kind of pain. Sometimes, they aren't even sure if what they experienced "counts" as trauma. They might say things like:

• "It wasn't that bad."

• "Other people have had it worse."

• "I'm probably just being too sensitive."

  
  

Let me be the one to gently say: if it impacted you, it matters. Trauma isn't just about what happened; it’s also about how it made you feel, how it lives in your body now, and how it continues to shape your daily life.

What Is Relational Trauma?

Relational trauma is often chronic and subtle. It includes:

• Growing up in a home where love felt conditional

• Being emotionally neglected or consistently criticized

• Witnessing or experiencing unhealthy relationship dynamics

• Feeling like you had to earn your worth or caretaking others to feel safe

• Being in a relationship where you felt unseen, unheard, or controlled

  
  

These patterns do not simply disappear. They can manifest in adult relationships, in how you talk to yourself, in your body's response to stress, and in how safe you feel in the world.

Recognizing the Signs

Recognizing the signs of relational trauma can be the first step toward healing. Individuals may often struggle with intimacy, find it difficult to communicate openly, or exhibit a fear of abandonment. These reactions stem from protective patterns learned during childhood.

Understanding these signs can be empowering. You don’t have to remain trapped in cycles of pain. Recognizing these dynamics provides clarity and the first steps toward recovery.

You're Not Broken—And You're Not Alone

Here's what I want you to know: relationship struggles are incredibly common. There is nothing fundamentally wrong with you. The challenges you're facing often stem from protective patterns your nervous system learned early on. These patterns may once have kept you safe but now get in the way of the connection you crave.

Maybe you recognize yourself here: the overachiever who never feels good enough, the people-pleaser who has lost touch with their own needs, or the person who wants connection but feels safer keeping others at arm's length. These responses aren't signs of weakness; they're simply indicators of a nervous system that has been doing its best to protect you.

Healing Starts with Awareness

Part of healing involves cultivating awareness of these patterns and understanding their origins. This awareness can be the catalyst for change. When you begin to notice and acknowledge how your past influences your present, you pave the way for growth and deeper connections.

What Healing Can Look Like

Healing isn't just about feeling "better" emotionally. It's about improving your whole life. In my practice, I see clients develop:

• Better conflict management skills: Learning to navigate disagreements without shutting down or exploding.

• Deeper self-trust: Reconnecting with your own instincts and needs instead of constantly second-guessing yourself.

• Self-compassion: Speaking to yourself with the same kindness you'd offer a good friend.

  
  

When we address relational trauma, it affects everything: how you show up at work, how you parent, how you view yourself, and how you connect with others. Healing isn't just about relationships; it's about your overall well-being. There is a growing body of research showing the deep connection between our emotional health and our physical health.

Why This Work Matters to Me

I am passionate about this work because I have seen—both in my own life and with countless clients—how transformative it can be to understand and heal relationship patterns. Too many people suffer in silence, believing they’re uniquely flawed or that their struggles don’t matter. My goal is simple: I want you to feel successful in your relationships and see your life improve by addressing these deep-rooted challenges.

You deserve to feel secure in your connections. You deserve to trust yourself and to experience relationships that nourish rather than drain you.

Ready to Begin? Let's Take the First Step Together

Therapy can help you understand your patterns, rebuild a sense of safety, and create relationships (with others and yourself) that feel more secure and fulfilling. You don’t have to navigate this journey alone.

If you’re curious about therapy or simply want more information, I invite you to reach out here or explore curated resources on relational trauma and healing at Creating Change’s Mental Health Resources.

And if you’d like to stay connected and receive supportive content, tools, and updates, subscribe to my newsletter.

You deserve healing, connection, and peace. Let’s begin.